A very special friendship

I have an amazing friend, who started out as a job.  I needed extra money and an acquaintance asked if I would help her care for her husband.  He had recently been diagnosed with alzheimer's disease.

She just needed a person to play some board games and offer some respite here and there.  Immediately, they became so much more to me and my family.  I am trying to write carefully not to disclose their identities but at the same time reveal my experience with short term memory problems.

Let's begin by the fact that "Joe" is much smarter than me, much better educated, much more experienced in life, and knows in depth accounts of U.S. and World History.  I revel in the joys of day to day life.  I'm not an intellect and tend to rely more on humor and fun than historical accuracies.  But here we are thrown together by need and adoring each other's company.

Our first day together, I brought a backgammon board.  Did I mention that I have issues?  I never remember how to set up a game!  Joe and I played two games of Backgammon which we were unable to stop because I set it up backwards and we were both very confused!  I was thinking that I might be a hindrance to a smart man with a brain disease.  However, we both laughed and moved on to Scrabble with much more success.

I remember trivial things, human interest facts, and social/family/animal issues.  Joe remembers dates, world events, tree and plant classification.  We could be an unstoppable pair.  He has Alzheimer's and to my knowledge I am just fine.

I remember things that I attend to, care about, and deem important.  Joe could always remember everything until recently but he still remembers interesting things.  He remembers new information that has an emotional attachment.  Recently, he did not mention our backgammon game to a mutual friend because he was afraid I would be embarrassed by my ineptness.  He remembers my ineptness!  He remembers the day I used the spatula in my food processor, while it was going (bad choice). He can remember every foolish thing I do because it ties to an emotional connection.  I am not sure if he feels bad for me or if I entertain him but it works.

Time has no meaning.  His actions are slow and deliberate.  A quick walk, quick meal, or quick shower, no longer exist.  Time is confusing. He has trouble drawing a clock. He doesn't have the ability to plan around time or understand the passing of time.  His strategic functioning is rapidly deteriorating.

Joe has lived a great life with many experiences around the world.  He recognizes his connections throughout his life with great engagement.  He has travelled extensively and has read many books.  This is a great strength for him as he loses his strategic skills and is able to use his affective and recognition skills.